Stop Dreaming And Come Back To Earth

Intentions made clear..

2010-05-24T20:25:00.001+08:00

I'm hesitating to leave blogger for wordpress for their neat/slick outlook.

but then again, I have to think of a new site name.

suggestions ?

試了才知道痛

2010-05-19T07:20:00.001+08:00

Life's like looking through the misty glass windows during rainy days.
Everything outside of it is not clear to us until we take further steps to make it visible. Yesterday, I had some training with my company and I saw one of my men, trying to get up the rope but he failed. And moments later, he tried again, and he failed. After umpteen times of tries, despite the rope burns that he has, he kept trying and finally he succeeded. His first time ever to reach the top of the rope.

Where did he find this sort of motivation? Why don't he give up? Where did this strength came from?

Tell me, show me, give me that sort of motivation..

Took a walk in the rain on the way to camp, keeps the mind alive.

因為不想連累大家

所以我說不出口

OMG, it's saturday!

2010-05-15T09:02:00.004+08:00

Friday seems to pass by so quickly and Sunday is around the corner! ok maybe not..!

Just returned back to Singapore, and my throat is feeling rather sore :(
guess I'm having inadequate rest and I seldom hydrate myself.
Supposedly to be sleeping now, but I'm heading out to donate some blood soon. Well, I THINK I can donate being the fact there's still abit of alcohol still running in the blood.

"Trust me, you will not be able to donate.. hahaha"

I came, I saw, but I haven't conquered. Always been telling myself to pack my room one of these days since I'm free. But obviously it hasn't been done yet, ok maybe a little later. A little procrastination might just save the day, some day. My clothing apparels are everywhere, papers, junk, my spare rollerblades, this, that.. It's piling up. Luckily I still have my Ol' seasame street kind of bin. Trash inside can last very long, that's what big bins are for, no? :D

Oscar's bin painted white.

I'll continue later.. I'm so tired.. (I dozed off while bloggin..)
Fatigue's coming in like a punctured damn. Zzz.

Adeline: paaaaaaaain, can you hear the sound of the coins?

If you see something you don't like, change it.
If you cannot change it, change your attitude.
Complaining helps no one.

A fulfilling thursday.

2010-05-14T01:54:00.003+08:00

I had a wonderful thursday. Met up with adeline to have lunch together, it's such a long time since I last met her. Haven been able to see breen either, she's such a big baby now. Hope I'll get to see her soon !

Wanted to meet up with sk and the rest to give her a treat because I was in town. And she's having a tough period. However, her stomach feels funny and maybe she's also lacked sufficient sleep. So in the end, I called the whole thing off and went off for abit to rest, for like 5- 10mins before heading out again.

Jas asked me out for dinner with Jas and her friends from her university. Again, it's such a long long time since I last met up with JasE. Catch up abit, and all of us have dinner together at some japanese restaurant (I've forgotten the name!) JasS uni friends are also very funny, made some new friends over dinner and had a enjoyable time together. We made plans in the near future (few weeks) to go to all sorts of places.. hopefully everyone can make make.

somewhere deep down,
you'll be there.
I feel so much lighter, and now, less 'burdened'

Communicating beyond the human language

2010-05-11T19:24:00.005+08:00

You active little monster, thanks for listening to me just now!
That's a secret between us. I'll buy you bones for that!
Don't spill it ok ..

Only you'll know what I'm thinking!
Only you can see it my world through my eyes.

Thanks butts! :D

Maybe to you, I'm just another option.

Rekindled on a glowing splint. How long will it burn?

Baby.

2010-05-11T18:27:00.001+08:00

Ohh wooaah (3x)
You know you love me,I know you care
Just shout whenever, And I'll be there
You want my love, You want my heart
And we will never ever ever be apart

Are we an item? Girl quit playing
Were just friends, What are you saying
Said theres another, Look right in my eyes

My first love broke my heart for the first time,
And I was like
Baby, baby, baby ohhh
Like baby, baby, baby noo
Like baby, baby, baby ohh
I thought youd always be mine mine

Baby, baby, baby ohh
Like baby, baby, baby noo
Like baby, baby, baby ohh
I thought youd always be mine,mine (oh oh)

For you, I would have done whatever
And I just can't believe, we ain't together
And I wanna play it cool, But I'm losin' you
I'll buy you anything, I'll buy you any ring
And im in pieces, Baby fix me
And just shake me til' you wake me from this bad dream

Im going down, down, down, dooown
And I just cant believe my first love would be around.

And I'm like
Baby, baby, baby ohh
Like baby, baby, baby noo
Like baby, baby, baby ohh
I thought youd always be mine, mine

Baby, baby, baby ohh
Like baby, baby, baby noo
Like baby, baby, baby ohhh
I thought youd always be mine, mine

Luda
When I was 13, I had my first love,
There was nobody that compared to my baby,
And nobody came between us or could ever come above
She had me goin' crazy,
Oh I was starstruck,
She woke me up daily,
Don't need no Starbucks.
She made my heart pound,
And skip a beat when I see her in the street and,
At school on the playground,
But I really wanna see her on the weekend,
She know she got me gazin',
Cuz she was so amazin',
And now my heart is breakin',
But I just keep on sayin'...

Baby, baby, baby ohh
Like baby, baby, baby noo
Like baby, baby, baby ohh
I thought youd always be mine, mine

Baby, baby, baby ohh
Like baby, baby, baby noo
Like baby, baby, baby ohh
I thought youd always be mine, mine

(I'm gone)
Yeah, yeah, yeah (6x)
(Now Im all gone, now im all gone, now im all gone)
Gone, gone, gone,(gone)
I'm gone.

Why did I do that?

2010-05-10T21:30:00.006+08:00

It's the start of holidays and I have nothing much to do. Staying at home only means that I have more time to think about stuff. That isn't cool when the exams are over! 'cause it drains up mental power, sucking your brain cells dry! Perhaps we could have swallowed batteries to recharge ourselves, who needs caffeine or redbull to keep yourself energized for abit.

I could have brought this little terror back if only he wasn't someone else's pet. he's such an active little canine. reminds me of tracy and dick when they're really young, playing with each other and making lots of noise until my eldest sister had to come out to give both of them a scolding. Sigh, kinda missed those times. Dick was given to others when I was in Primary 4 if I never rememebered wrongly. Still remembered I cried like shit, the moment he was taken from me. Guess, I'm happier while I give my heart and soul to canines. Brought smiles to me, lets me forget my troubles for the time being. In all, making me a happy guy.

Meet buttons #1

Meet buttons #2

How I wish I can co-own him. Hahaha.

Sometimes I think that I'm too nice.
And being nice puts me in a vulnerable spot for some hurt at times.
I wonder why did I do that..
Perhaps I'm just chasing after another shadow..

Someone asked : " What if I asked you to stop? "
I guess I couldnt bring myself to do it..
There's something about you that I can't resist..
Something so very special..

Take good care of yourself.
Drink more water and get ample of rest.

I can't help myself from falling..
and I think I am ..

My my my..

2010-05-06T21:28:00.003+08:00

My oh my, finally exams has officially ended - paper today was terrible as well. But like every other good things around, there must be an end somehow. Recalling back the torturous days, where I keep facing the same stupid scenery for weeks.

I really hated this place.

I took some of my belongings back home and now, soon I'm going to make my second trip down again. Just needed some rest to relax, however things don't look too well. I'm falling sick, and the headache is just terrible.

Look at all those past year papers! Looks like it's not the end.
Tune in for more ...

All along I wanted to tell you a little something..
but ...

What the fuck?!

2010-05-04T23:42:00.002+08:00

It's another depressing paper..
Seriously, what am I doing here in university? Sigh.

During my paper today, I spaced out and I had thoughts about apply Laselle or Nafa while my question is still blank.

Seems like the thought had really gone out of hand..

Sigh.

Depressing ...

Back for more.

2010-05-01T18:26:00.003+08:00

It's been really long since I last entered this typing space (don't take the overdued post into consideration..), for I haven't seen or encountered anything interesting to blog about, until recently..

Time, an element which cannot be manipulated by any of us, passes by without you knowing it. When I look back in time, I've realised the many changes which took place around me. Come to think of it, I've been in that stupid school for almost a year and the exams are also coming to an end ( 2 more papers!! ) Well, everything has to come to an end some day I supposed, be it good or bad.

Been pretty stressed up at work due to the continual studying which took place during the examination period. It feels like all life has been ceased, and I'm feeling zombified whenever I returned to that same spot which I'll study at. It's always the process whereby you wake up> eat >hit the books >eat >sleep. Life feels like a loop command, you don't get to do anything else besides a little of facebook and twitter. And after every exam paper, I'll come out feeling really depressed- which got me thinking back on friday's paper. I'm sure to fail, even with moderation, I bound to take it the next year :[

Depressing ...

I'm glad that I'm being appreciated. The smiles that you can bring onto the faces of others, the feeling of joy that you can give others, even for a short period of time, makes me happy.
It's like trying to extend a helping hand to save someone out of a shithole, perhaps ultimately things won't change but at that instance you've brought joy to them.

Thank you.
Thank you for appreciating me.
And yes, I'll always be there.
And because of you,
I'm really happy...
Thank you.

OVERDUED!

2010-04-15T04:02:00.001+08:00

ok i know im late but, EXAM'S COMING ! so wait.. be patient, JUST A LITTLE WHILE MORE ALRIGHT? :D

I wanna let all my limited supporters know that i really appreciate your efforts for checking out this blog even though it's hasnt been updated for quite some time. THANK YOU! *cheers! :D

2010-02-18T22:21:00.002+08:00

First of all, happy new year guys. It got to be the best period of the year! Chinese has always a problem when it comes to gambling. We, love to take chances. Ok, maybe not all of us but most of us gamble during this period of time.
Besides having to gamble, we'll get red packets from our family and relatives and on and forth. BUT!! to me, I feel that getting red packets is secondary, it's more of the blessings especially from my mother's relatives. It's always very lively when they come to my place during the second day of new year.

And now, I'm back at school! BORING! Didn't really like my timetable, especially the subjects I'm doing. 3 tests coming up next week, and I haven't started doing any. So dead, so dead.

So, have you had fun during CNY ?
Please remember, gambling has it's risk. Always limit yourself and don't get drawn in too deep (:

2010-01-24T20:41:00.003+08:00

Hello people, it's me again with an injured leg this time. I had quite a great fall from blading on wednesday, and now im like full of injuries. My mobility had been hindered slightly, but it's not too bad least I can walk on my own, slowly but surely. School's been pretty bad to me recently, classes were damn tough and its not easy to understand. I supposed it might just be me not putting enough effort in school, but that's just school.

Over the weekends, I've been staying at home and spending most of my time sleeping, all thanks to the medication the hospital had given me. I also want to take this opportunity to thank yongming for accompanying me to the hospital yesterday. Without his help, I don't think I can go there on my own, anyway I don't think there will be anybody else that will come to my aid besides him at that time.
Thank you.

Basically this wraps up the week for me and the only thing interesting happened is the fall that I had. I'm so happy, I'm going to meet up with Adeline for our long awaited hot cakes that this wednesday, hahaha. Take care folks!

Art makes the canvas red. Hahaha

I wanted to give up, but somehow something made me stay.

2010-01-18T03:14:00.001+08:00

i was once sure of what i wanted and how i would proceed, but after certain things and through talking to some, i guess im back at square one.
part of me had given up, while the other half still persists, clinging onto hope.

show me some signs..
guide me.

something is always there, to represent you.

2010-01-08T01:03:00.003+08:00

Like I said, a photo speaks of a thousand words

Photographs speak a thousand words.

2010-01-05T04:09:00.002+08:00

taken sometime ago when playing mahjong

Peekaboo! Taken together during christmas day.

Well, the same for this!

More to come..

2010, with love.

2010-01-03T07:43:00.004+08:00

Happy new year to all readers out there, in the blink of an eye, there goes the year 2009 and here we are welcoming year 2010. Of course, not many of us would really welcome the new year, it means everyone will turn older. I cant believe im turning 23 soon .. but i guessed i just cant help it. Well, nobody could! (:

So now, let me recall what I've done in 2009.

Army
I've so called 'finished' my service for the nation. Made really great friends there, hoping to keep in contact still, after we ORD. My men, my batch of specialists which mainly from the TA, RNS and Arthur Battery. Wanna thank these great friends for making life there 'enjoyable'
-Peizhi, Elson, Leong, Eric, Andy, Jiunn, Calvin, Zhenghao, Yisan, Chiong wei, Alfred etc...
-Jiabin, Alfres, Daniel, Jun' an, Choy etc..

School
I've enrolled into NTU to further my studies, well times are really tough there. You can never fully catch up with what the lecturers are teaching. Ended my first examinations like a month ago, results were not really good. Kinda expected it since I didn't really put much effort into it. Perhaps, I should say efforts input were not enough. I've joined to play inline hockey, I don't have any hockey history so it's rather difficult for me to learn now. Just to play and have fun.

Life
Alot of people are kinda interested in my life (well, I supposed). To them, I'm a mysterious person. I don't really talk about myself much unless I'm willing to speak up, which I don't usually do. I shall talk about it briefly since there's nothing much to talk about. Life's never been easy for me, or anyone of us but it still goes on. I've been hurt maybe once or twice, I can't really remember exactly but wasn't a very good experience. Luckily there's someone, well maybe not always, there for me - my pillar of strength and hope. You know who you are, thank you! =)
I've got myself a god daughter, I call her breen (not her actual name). Such an adorable baby girl!
I'm learning to play an instrument, the guitar. Like I've said, it's not easy to learn something as you grow older. Things like that are best learnt when young. I think I can express myself better with music and art.
Nearing the end of the year, I've come up with the best gift received award. Naturally this 'award' will go to 'slim'boo! because it's handmade. Handmade gifts are usually the best, but that does not mean that I don't appreciate the gifts that I've received. Either way, I wanna thank all those who's involved. Much appreciated =)

Finally, it's the last part of this post. Here are some simple messages for some people.

Adeline: I want to see breen! I want to play with her. hahaha. and your gift is still with me. Hope you are stilll doing well, and please don't fall sick so easily! Let's meet up and have a good chat. See you soon! =)
P.S: Our hotcakes date! =D

Stupid but lovable Boo! : Our anniversary is coming soon! Haha, but guess what? You can't ask much from a poor student like me. Let's keep it going and going and going and yada yada.. My pillar of strength and hope, thank you. =)
P.S : I still haven returned you the bite from before!

K: You don have to apologise, it's not your fault for not being able to say anything because I seldom talk about the problems itself. So there's really nothing much you can talk about. Anyway you're not the only one who would feel this way, I supposed others can't comment much either, except for a few our there. And please don't be afraid of me, I'm not that scary. Hahaha.

Thanks for reading!

Movie Cast: The Female lead

It's been many years, 6 years? And here it comes again..
Now, I'm really confused.
I don't know how to proceed nor do I know what I want.
Show me a sign, and let me know how to proceed...

merry christmas, earthlings

2009-12-25T15:00:00.002+08:00

Merry christmas to you people out there.. Let's enjoy ourselves to the fullest today.

and adeline please remind me when i get back on the 29th! haha, and send my regards to breen & fab too.

Once again merry christmas and a happy neeeeeeeew year.

2009-12-01T04:55:00.004+08:00

i can sense a tough week ahead. finally im proceeding to my final 3 papers, im so sick of studying. life is so monotonous here. everyday you wake up, do something for awhile then you'll spent most of the time studying. nothing interests me from what i've studied except for materials, which the paper just ended today. sigh..
how am i gonna survive the tougher papers to come? maths .. i really detested maths.

went town to celebrate yuhong's birthday last friday. had dinner with the rest of the guys then we went to crew room.. to sing and to drink. long time never visited such places, really brings back memories when i started drinking and playing pub games. the main reason for me to go for that celebration is rather simple.. there's a few people i wanna see. basically my pillar of strength and hope - my boo counterpart whom bit me while i wasn't paying attention (you're gonna get it! grrr..) and imaginary isa's mother whom i'll only get to see and talk to in person once in a while.. missed the times where we spoke often, well probably.

after that i went to meet angeline at supperclub, and we had supper at geylang 1 2 6 (wan toh sek). the "shark's fin" soup there is good, guessed she knew where are the better night spots than i do. and without saying, i sent her back home.

and if you happened to be reading my blog, here's one for you.
"i know you're waiting for my exams to end then we can watch the new moon. well, be patient! hahahaha (: "

and

dear pillar, the foundations lay strong and let's work towards a future for one which wont crumble. we'll be the best and always will be.. thank you for the times you've shown me your support and also for the trust you've given me.. no matter what you've become of or how bad life can be, i'll always be here, for i'll survive =)

the best since 21st jan o5

"im feeling ... confused. only i can solve my own riddles to life.."

2009-11-24T19:43:00.002+08:00

"If we ask what's wrong and you said 'nothing' then we will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you're just lying but it's just not worth the hassle.."

quote from guys to girls.

2009-11-23T04:36:00.003+08:00

two words: life suck.

we were born to suffer..
and everyday i pray, that i have the power to bring doom to this world.
i tried to be positive, but it seems like nothing turns out well.
and now im stuck with studying something i dont understand, something i dont enjoy.

i feel that im just wasting my time away..

biker girl, where art thou?

2009-11-21T22:34:00.002+08:00

the first paper sucked! im so angry with myself. feeling sad because i dont know if i'll pass, sigh.
worst of all, i couldn't find anyone to go blading with me, no one's to blame because it's too last minute. im not very optimistic about it in the first place anyway..

went out for a drive to bukit timah area to have supper w/ buu! and daryl. it's not the supper, but i just felt like driving and i nearly lost control of the car while negotiating a bend. it's kinda exciting, i love such thrill. and come to think about it, life is always about seeking thrills.. you can classify me under "adreneline junkie"

I just love friday nights, it's where all cars come out to play..

2009-11-20T11:26:00.001+08:00

Exams please dont screw me up...

2009-11-07T23:00:00.002+08:00

i am totally delighted today. it feels so relaxing just to look at breen being playful. all of us met up at plaza singapura's MFM. suddenly i feel so honoured to get a treat.. mmm! spoke to both of them and took a few photographs with the instax. also i get to know of few ways to handle kids.. maybe i'll try it out when i have one myself .

there's definately certain things i will try, like allowing the baby to take chilli or the taste of mayonaise at the age of one etc.. funny things that you wouldn't think of. certain things you just have to start from young. haha.

had a sumptous dinner and i really appreciate the treat.
thanks! i think it's more than what i've done at the celebration.

finally, i get to carry breen and take a good photo of her smiling. so cute!
but too bad, i have no scanners so no pics. ( too bad boo! you want you can come my house to take a look at my instax album. )

and adeline, the banana biscuits really not nice lah, she should try the real honey stars :D

mirror mirror on the wall.

2009-11-01T20:29:00.005+08:00

had a very busy saturday yesterday. went to the aloha loyang in the afternoon to help out with the preparation for the big day. brought along my camera with me to capture whatever i can take along with me and hopefully to develop them if time and finances permit.

well, of course none of the photos consists of me, i couldnt possibly take myself but i'm kinda angry with myself for not taking photographs with my god daughter! omg. totally forgotten about it. anyway she was really busy, really busy transferring from arms to arms. It's kinda amusing that she didn't lay her feet on the ground after some time, probably when the crowd started coming in. because it was raining rather heavily outside, the place sounded and looked like very rowdy. people were everywhere, and looking for seats were kinda difficult moreover i'm supposed to be moving about. as it was getting late, different groups of people started to gather around the main table and sang the birthday song to the little girl. btw, the cake's design was elmo the bloody monster. elmo with diapers to be exact.. and OH MY GOD! WHO KILLED ELMO?! well, make a guess ..

after the main highlight of the event, people returned to their own cliques and i was left around wondering what to do next. luckily some nice souls were there to "entertain" me abit, if not i'll be left at the corner stoning. and soon, some of the crowd started leaving, making space for me to sit. and awhile more, it's time to me to leave to as there's nothing more for me to shoot at.

traffic was bad on the way home, but eventually i calmed down when i realised it was really bad to be losing my temper while driving. however, if you're driving slow, even if it's on a rainy day, please stop hogging the right lane.

after yesterday, i start to realise love is kinda wonderful afterall. spoke to one of adeline's husband's relatives/friends, his baby is bound to come out mid november. can see the joys and anticipations from his face, looking at such expressions i cant help but to feel happy for him and his wife.
im always in a dilemma, anyway love doesnt find its way to me. we always share the same polarity.

" l-o-v-e is just another word i never learn to pronounce "

often we are too engrossed in other people's faults but only to forget to take a good look at ourselves. let's start all over again shall we?

and adeline : let's go french instead. paragon is too cheap! haha =)

this must be a really bad week

2009-10-28T18:49:00.005+08:00

such a bad week. seems like everyone have something against me.
oh my, I'm nearing my limits.
I'm not a bottomless bottle and space in there, is limited. only here then i can bleed it off a little.

so stop pushing me around.
sometimes i just want to have a piece of my mind,
i wanna go somewhere quiet and listen to the crashing waves.

seriously, nothing feels like its going right..

dear tracy, won't you want to take me along with you?

2009-10-25T23:41:00.001+08:00

grandma, please recover.
...

perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.

2009-10-25T15:51:00.005+08:00

firstly, i had something on before the meet up. and yes, im free, it depends on the time.

secondly, i asked for the time and you diverted my question. you didnt even gave me a chance to explain.

thirdly, i don make promises unless i can deliver what i said. people whom know me v well, knew that i don make promises. you want to know why? i tell you why. i've seen many broken promises that have been made to me and me onto others. i didnt like that feeling, so why force me to make a promise?

forthly, i asked for the time again and you gave attitude, did i mention that i didnt have the chance to explain anything or did you even ask why? you must be pondering "Will i say even if you did ask?" but then again have you tried?

perhaps you're right, my life is kinda messed up and i didnt know how to fix it.
and yes, im a changed person. perhaps the death of her, is the death of me.
i LIED. All along i've been lying to the whole world. i am sick and tired of the plastic smile. the important thing is that i look ok, nobody would have to question me about anything. but im not ok, i cant move on, i didnt know how to and perhaps i didnt want to. i've always been trying my best to help others out with their problems, but i've always been neglecting myself. i've lost something, something which grew up together with me - a family, a friend.

i tell you what, you want to know what's wrong? its me, its me, its me.

it's ok if you're feeling pissed off right now, it's your rights. i may whine but i dont blame you i can't control how you feel, afterall he's just the not-so-mysterious boy who cried wolf and swirls everyone else around his pinky. i don't really care, most of me have died already.

The triangle theorem.

2009-10-24T03:45:00.003+08:00

There are 3 sides to every story :

A's story, B's story and what actually happened.
Well, no one's to blame =D

I can't wait for next saturday!

You don't force me into doing things.

2009-10-23T18:07:00.001+08:00

because I'm not obliged to listen to anyone.
Even if I do, I do it on my own free will.

If you want something, ask nicely.

It's like finally.

2009-10-22T03:26:00.001+08:00

And I love you so.

I love my buddies, especially sk!

2009-10-20T01:23:00.003+08:00

Right. These 3 polaroid photos were taken on a friday at crazy elephant - my favourite chilling
spot. Once in a while, it's good to chill out and keep in touch. I have lost many friends due to lack of communication, but there are certain friends i know i can't really live without. (:

Valerie, Siewkoon and Me

Siewkoon and Valerie

Me and my buddy (:

The iron doors of the heart shut tightly so that nobody can enter nor exit.

Continuation from Asian Autosalon 2009

2009-10-15T14:40:00.004+08:00

Continuation from the Asia Autosalon series.

Miyake! Her smile makes my day.

Fujio-san and his Rx7

Models from Singapore and Malaysia

Singaporean Model

Chinese and Taiwanese Models

Taiwanese model

French Model

Model from the States. She's only 14 years old!

Models from south american states?

Asia Autosalon 2009

2009-10-14T02:48:00.008+08:00

Went to Asia Autosalon with Jinkiat, Yongming & Mingching at the Singapore Expo on Sunday. The trip down was really worthwhile. I love to visit Car shows, the bassy sound from the cars' exhaust is really deep and sweet. It makes me want to start modifying the family car again.

Nothing much as compared to previous carshows I've been to before, but I walked about and took photographs of the beautiful race queens. Since accessory part were the majority there, photographs consists mainly the race queens and most of the time spent there, was around the stage.

After that, had my first time experience watching drifting. This is the part where it keeps my adreneline pumping. Loud exhaust and cars moving sideways, too bad I don't have my own car to start learning.

Most photographs are under post processing. And so here are some of them which are already done, and can be found under my facebook profile.

First race queen of the day from Japan.

One of the duo racequeens, learining to "drive".
Celestina, Singapore.

And the other duo, Miyake.
She's so cute. Her smile is so mesmerizing.

Cute!

The race princesses

Strutting the runway.

Posing. #1 unknown #2 Singapore #3 Venezuela #4 Singapore

Strutting the Runway again.

Celestina & Naomi on the right.
Runway pose.

Celestina, Naomi, Miyake

Race queens from Singapore lining up for a group shot.

How I wished I can see her again. She just can't get out of my head.
Her smile stole my heart away.. Maybe next carshow :D

Maybe I should find an ah lianish girlfriend in future.
Hahaha. (:

But how come they wanna act jap? uh ohh....

Communicating comfortably

2009-10-01T23:19:00.006+08:00

First of all, i wanted to say, "Happy birthday Angeline" Well, that's what i said to her yesterday. Right.

It's recess week and unknowingly, it's coming to friday already. What happened to time? Has it accelerated? Has it gone out of control? Well.. time, none of us have the power to control time as a whole, but only the power to control what we do in a mere 24hours per day. And even so, 24hours, doesnt seemed enough.

Time flies, it's been 7 years - 8 years since i first saw you, and come to think of it, this really brings back memories - both pleasant and unpleasant ones. And recently, we met up again. Now, i came to realise certain things. It's actually communication that I'm looking for, the ability to get into a 2 way conversation. I've tried out many things to get the answer that I'm looking for, and now I think I've found it.

Everyone can converse in a two way manner, but perhaps, conversing with me can be a problem. Perhaps I'm just being ignorant of what's really happening around me. It's not easy for me to speak up when I'm not being myself. The environment plays a part, the time of the day plays a part, the person I'm talking to plays a part - and a major one at it. There are reasons on why I don't talk much on the phone, people who know me well, knew part of the reason for it. The rest of it, is just personal. And at times, making things personal, is also another reason, on why it's hard for me to speak up unless you're someone who can draw me out of this shell, and thankfully, some of them has it.

Oh well, just being kinda random, but at least i think i found what I'm looking for - my answer to my life.

"When deep injury is done to us, we won't recover until we forgive."

Mary Karen Read

2009-09-30T16:14:00.004+08:00

"When Deep Injury is done to us, We won't recover until we forgive...
Forgiveness will not change the past, But it does enlargens the future.."

2009-09-10T18:24:00.002+08:00

" I'll tell you the worst of me, and try to give you the best of me.. because u don deserve any less"

Reflections of a skyline

090909

2009-09-09T21:58:00.003+08:00

Such a nice date, yet not being a meaningful day for me. It's just another day, where I couldn't wake up for my morning classes in time. Slept late this morning at around 4.30am, and how am i supposed to wake up for my 0830 class ? uh oh.

Have been staying up till the wee hours in the morning, to study and play. I'm not coping with my work and it's really the first time that i felt this way. Army made me stupid, and now i feel so out of place in the university. I always detest mathematics lessons, and in my course, it's somehow full of mathematics and physics. Maybe i should start preparing doing resumes for work, well.. just in case. Who knows what might happen in the near future.

I cant wait for my blades to arrive, perhaps a month later? Seems like every monday and friday night are meant for me to go blade, either in school or east coast park. Join me on friday nights, anyone? Met and knew more people in school during the monday blading sessions. Some of them just are like me, not very good proficient in blading but just constantly improving whenever there's chance. I can say that i've learnt pretty much and improved a great deal compared to before. But still, blading is not a showoff of skills, it's a recreational sport where anyone can (get injured if you're not careful, so do wear your guards!) have a piece of mind and relax while exercising. It's good for people who have bad knees like me, as it places less strain on them.

Bought lots of materials from art friend to do a "To Do List" for myself but then i realised that i kept forgetting to bring my big pair of scissors -_- so no work is being done here. I love to do shopping in art friends, especially at the francise outlet at takashimaya and the HQ located in bras basah complex itself.

Alright, enough blabbering. Time to go work my brains off. Hopefully i'll learn something this time.

Seba Deluxe 2008. I cant wait to get my hands on them.

I want to see my god daughter again! She's such a cutie (:

take a break, have a kitkat

2009-08-30T20:27:00.003+08:00

I love this type of classic song!

the first blog entry in school

2009-08-27T13:25:00.002+08:00

haven been updating this for quite awhile..

it has been three weeks since school started and im still very slack in my work. unlike poly, whereby i only study near examination period, in ntu the pace is rather fast. sad to say, im not really coping with my work. lectures lectures and more lectures, everything is not working for me! i don understand the lectures mainly because of the lecturers. most of them are foreigners and you have to figure out what they're trying to say at times, and somehow i lost them.

maths seems to be so difficult in uni, although im sure i've studied them before in poly but after 2years of army, everything seems to be forgotten. nothing is good about army when you're further studying. moreover im in my 2nd year of my course, the pace is really catching up on me.

im kinda used to school already, like waking up early for classes and trying to pay attention to the lectures while resisting myself from lying on the table. so i fell asleep without it, the eyelids bear a very heavy weight when the maths lecturers started to speak. currently im looking for a CCA to join so as to make my uni life more, fun i should say. i went for the inline skating clinic on monday to learn what i don't know. it's really fun and most probably i'll join the inline skating club as my cca here. the people seems to be kinda friendly. speaking of which, i want to get myself a pair of skates! Seba deluxe maybe? (:

just had bbq session in school with my hall orientation group yesterday, kinda enjoyed bbq the food while trying to know the seniors better, afterall they're my age group - those borned in 1987. it felt like i can communicate with them better along with a few from my group. perhaps age gap really matters.. it must be because most of the freshies arent from poly so clicking with them is kinda difficult. im trying to open up with them, well at least i tried. let's just see who things turn out to be in future. no one knows what the future holds for us.

the hostel that im living in is somehow similar to my army bunk. of course there's freemdom here unlike that damn place. nobody is forcing you to do anything, you can do whatever you want. well, if it's illegal then just don't get caught! =D

i kinda missed driving the 7266 for it went to the scrapyard already. dad's gonna buy a new altis, but i don't think i will drive that often. im currently driving my mom's car and somehow getting used to it. if only she allows me to modify it..
i have some parts that i took out from the 7266 and now im looking for buyers but don think anyone will want to buy them. the only universal thing that i can sell is my air filter. oh well .. hard to find buyers now since the economy is so bad.

oh well, im so broke. the financial graph, it's dwindling down. zzz

sorrows make you human.

dilbert madness

2009-08-19T19:52:00.002+08:00

i cant stop watching dilbert comic strip.
here's something which i found really hilarious.

Boss : Don't bring me problems, bring me solutions.
Dilbert: When I bring you solutions, you tell me they won't work and treat me like a moron.
Boss : What's the problem with that?

Office politics.
What a joke.

zzzzzz

2009-08-10T19:41:00.000+08:00

what a great start for school.
i have fever and that's cool!
zz

6D reunion SUCCESS!

2009-08-10T09:26:00.006+08:00

finally we met up since planning few weeks ago. the primary school gathering was a success, although we didn't call everyone 6D cos we can't remember who's in class except for that few. all thanks to regina, she helped me do all the organising since i had hall orientation camp during the planning days and yes, she did a great job.

This is regina.

Evelyn, Szesze, Sumei, Regina

Regina and Chuwei

Me and Szesze

Regina and me.

Sumei and Regina

The group which always sit infront of the class, Qingxiang, Sumei, Regina & Desmond

Evelyn and Szesze

Regina with her packet of chips.

Eric together with Qingxiang

It's szesze and me again.

Szesze with sumei

The guys. Chuwei, Weiliang, Elvin, Me, Eric, Qingxiang, Desmond, Jianyong

The Girls. Xinyi, Regina, Szesze, Sumei, Evelyn.

Group photo.

When will our next outing be?! hmmm...

2009-08-08T03:02:00.002+08:00

Time passes by so fast, and in the blink of an eye, the week will be over soon. I went for my hall orientation camp on the 2nd till the 7th, yesterday. It's not really enjoyable for me because I've been through plenty of camps, even organising camps. Although they aren't really as big-scaled as the ones from NTU but overall the stuff they do are generally the same to me.

The main reason that I wanted to join the camp it's because of making new friends, however it's really hard to find someone that will be able to clique. Perhaps it's the mentality problem, it feels that either I'm too old, or I have too many friends from polytechnics, ITEs etc. However I can clique with people my age that took the JC path, so it must be a little bit of both.

Had QET on the 4th, so I had to leave camp to take the test. Totally can't write anything. Army makes us stupid, thinking with only muscles and physical power. I hope I can pass my test, english modules must be really stupid. After that, those returning to camp met at around 1pm and guess what, the 13 of us, 12 are from different polytechnics. During the journey back to camp, we felt like we are having fun, being the majority for once. All of us are having the same common problem, so it's not only me. I do not mean to stereotype, but it's really hard to avoid. =D

End of the day, I'm having very tired legs. I want to go blading soon! It's so relaxing. MmmMmm..

it's time to let those memories stay behind.

2009-08-01T23:01:00.002+08:00

such a one hot and humid saturday. other than going to the hospital, i've stayed at home the whole day, watching 2 old hongkong zombie movies. oh, don't worry they're actually comedies, and i'm serious about it. it's those old school zombies that jump about when the priest shakes his bell.

did some maintenance work to the rollerblades during my free time. i wonder when then will i be able to get my own blades? anybody with a kind soul wanna chip in some money for it? haha.

at some point in life, we'll need to rely on someone else for help surely. someone to talk to and someone to believe in. living in solitude ain't very wise and it's not gonna bring you far. sometimes all you need is to open your heart and take a look.

2009-07-29T03:38:00.003+08:00

haven't blog in weeks so now gonna do a really quick one. i went to town today, had aston's since somebody's treating me. haha. then drop by ion orchard, that place is really huge. lots of complicating escalators, it's not suprising that people will have a hard time finding the shop they're looking for unless you've been there like plenty of times. well, i got partially lost. ion orchard is like the mall in kowloon city, elements, just that they don't have an ice skating rink here.

i can already predict, ion orchard will be my one stop shop, they have everything that i wanted. if i have the time, i'll drop by that place again. perhaps it's the spacious interior that made me want to go back again. im in love with high ceilings.

went to ecp to rollerblade, just came back not long ago. really had lots of fun there, im starting to love ecp, especially in the night where you dont have crowd and the wind is always great to have. =)

let's go freestyle shall we?!

and yes, pain is a gift. at last someone saw it..

2009-07-18T22:29:00.004+08:00

it's been a really tiring day, today.
Everyone's choking me by the neck. i feel.. strained.

a little help please?

i tried to sleep, but i just keep waking up.

i wanted to go town and walk around since i can't sleep. but somehow, something got into me and kept me from not going. in the end im going to try to sleep. perhaps, i'll succeed this time.

2009-07-17T18:31:00.006+08:00

people..

please don't come smiling to me while holding a knife.

im a very frail person, if you want to kill me, just do it straight.
perhaps if i got myself into a state of comatose, i wouldn't fight to stay awake again.

because, afterall..
I can feel no colours, no more.

whatever happens, it happens for a reason.

2009-07-17T15:27:00.004+08:00

it's ok if people don't appreciate your efforts, what matters most is you know you've done your part.
at least there's somebody to hear you out.

you think you'll be bothered by my family matters? you think you wanna hear me out? there's so many stuff i wanna say to everyone, but im just so scared.

i seriously don't know what i want anymore, i lead such a messed up life.
maybe one day, i should start to reconstruct everything, putting missing pieces back into the picutre.

i'm feel so .. exhausted.
lost of sleep and lost of appetite.
it feels like my stomach is abit smaller now. hahaha.

the song "my way", i can never get sick of it even if i play it for a day.

2009-07-16T01:25:00.005+08:00

haven really been blogging recently because i was really busy with something! i just love the feeling of doing something that i wanted to do. it's really, amazing. the main credit should go to ?. she inspired me to do something with efforts & sincerity. i really wanna say thank you, it's really about the efforts and the process going through it.

ok, i'm damn sleepy. blog again soon!

for what is a man, what has he got?
if not himself, then he has naught.
to say the things, he truly feels,
and not the words of one who knees.

although it may seem like i dont care, because i seldom speak to you nowadays, but actually i do care. it's just that, i have a problem expressing myself, i seldom express my thoughts through words. it's always the action that does the talking for me.

dear dad, please take care and i'm sure it'll be a success.

2009-07-15T02:06:00.000+08:00

and now, im proud to say that im done!
at 2.02am! whoohoo! =)))

2009-07-15T00:45:00.000+08:00

so much efforts ..
but who's actually supportive?

2009-07-14T22:15:00.003+08:00

Through this, i actually learnt alot. there's so many things that i can do, it's just the effort that I wanna put into it.

I've worked through the night and went to search for materials by myself. well, more is good!
And now, i cant wait to see the end product myself.

Who cares about the outcome, it's the process and efforts put into it that counts.

It's kinda fun trying to do romantic things once in awhile. haha

2009-07-11T14:48:00.002+08:00

Tis' the season to be .. depressed?
Bad things are happening everywhere. It's just like a disease, and it's spreading everywhere. Friends getting depressed, friends of friends getting depressed. Gives me a feeling everyone will start jumping soon, and thus a decline in the human population.
Well, that's statistically correct.

Been pretty tired lately, can't sleep well in camp. And here I go again, the ARHMEE SUCKS. They burnt my friday night and my saturday morning, and i got think they are doing it every weekend over and over again. this is absolutely sickening and unacceptable!

Fwah la la la laaaa, la la la laaaa~

p.s : YOU! better take good care. let the swelling go by itself and please don't harm you eyes anymore! call me anytime yeah?! =)

2009-07-06T06:07:00.001+08:00

playing in the rain..

we all felt like kids.

=)

2009-07-04T18:58:00.003+08:00

woohoo, went to ecp again today! taught val how to cycle, at last! now she can cycle on her own, well without turning that is. so happy.
sk and me left her to cycle on her own while we went to the tutorial's corner to see people learn to blade as well as see people "performing" at the other side. damn cool, perhaps i should try it out tonight.

the wrist is a goner, while the phone will soon be a goner. MO here i come on monday.

here lies another pesky situation which happened to me few years ago. oh how i dreaded this so badly.. the feeling's totally the same which i experienced in poly. the same question goes, just what went wrong?

well, at least i got an answer for that and managed to salvage something out.
but not everyone, will get lucky everytime.

so, just what went wrong? hmmm...

enjoy the sea breeze.

2009-07-04T04:06:00.004+08:00

forgo drinking tonight for a much healthier activity, rollerblading.
i just love going to ECP to blade in the night, although tiring as it is, nothing can beat the feeling of having the sea breeze blowing against my face when i'd stopped by for a break. it's so.. peaceful.

sometimes i just wish i can go with the wind and sometimes i feel that the wind is actually telling me something. whatever it is, everything is all in the mind. i love the wind, i love the sound of the wind cutting through objects - esp my ears. perhaps cutting through sounds wrong, a better word from the floor?

heading ecp in the morning again to teach val how to cycle, i hope i can do a good job with a badly injured wrist because i fell again landing on my wrist, AT THE SAME SPOT, again.
let's pray later everywhint will be smooth.

wall oh wall, why are you still there standing so stubbornly firm. is everything gonna be alright this way? tell me now on when, and how will you be broken down.
sigh. zz!

p.s: thanks for cheering me up and kept me going =)

...

2009-07-03T13:33:00.000+08:00

shall we get drunk tonight .. ?
en dance?

finally went to blade.

2009-07-03T01:28:00.002+08:00

finally i went ECP to blade, had quite a number of falls. but i had fun while trying to figure out how to blade by myself. as i went faster and faster, i can feel the wind blowing against my face, it made me feel relaxed - just like sea breeze.

fell a number of times and i hurt my wrist again. this time im sure i'll be sent for X-Ray once again.. had a great fall on my back too and now my phone's lcd spoilt .. sigh. oh well .. wait till i have the ability to afford a new phone then i change.

after the end of the day,
one painful wrist (L)
and a painful back.

=)

back from the land of hongkong.

2009-06-30T09:42:00.010+08:00

first of all, im having mixed feelings about coming back to singapore. it's good that im home again, but it also meant that work is gonna start soon. and by work im referring to NS, which i so greatly detest. zz.

hongkong is fun snap lots of pictures, especially the poloariods, ate good food and shopped for more clothes. i think before i start packing my them to my wardrobe, better clear the old ones out first. too much junk!

let the pictures do the talking, its impossible for me to say all of my experience for a picture speaks of a thousand words =D

start off with the polaroids.

(in chronological order..)

Day 1,

Everyone of us got rather excited by the size of the bus catered to us. It's big and comfortable.
Most of us were first time to Hongkong, so we couldnt help but getting jumpy! mmm ...

The first polaroid shot out. We're in the bus towards out hotel - Cityview.

First hotel shot.

The hotel we were staying in wasnt too bad, its damn comfortable compared to my bed. hahaha. some knew the reason why, and i say this before, my bed isnt meant for sleeping.

Day 2

We travelled to the 4 regions? in hongkong - kowloon, new territories, lentor? and hongkong. visiting many places, my favourite few places were the beach and the avenue of stars.

"Slimboo" and me, taken at some sacred ground i think.
favourite piece among all..

Me and Kristy, taken at the same sacred ground.

Me and edric, yada yada.

Agnes and me again.

Agnes, me, sharon. then the waves started crashing in.

Me and sharon. I think this is the first shot taken at that sacred ground. See the "hat" im wearing?

Agnes, Sharon, Selina taken at the beach near the sacred ground.

All of us(less me) + the tour guide, polly, taken at a port.

Daryl and me taken on the top of the mountains.

Agnes ane me taken at the top of the mountains

Day 3,

The group got splitted up into 3 groups. some went ocean park and some went crossed the borders to get to shengzhen while agnes and me took the train down ourselves to disneyland. Everything is really like a disney world, even the train had mickey mouse-shaped windows. all photographs for today were in her camera, i didnt bring out mine cause it's damn heavy and bulky. Shall update more when i get the photographs from her.

Disneyland! She took it with her favourite mascot, winnie, the pooh bear without fingers.

We took it at a corner while having our budget lunch and avoiding the rain.

Somehow it made us feel like a kid once again, although the rides were rather kiddy because they were meant for family rides. i cant imagine a toddler drop from the roller coaster or his/head got blown away by the the extreme G-forces the roller coaster ride go through. what a joke. the most fun ride, hmm .. Buzz lightyear with a cheaterbug! Hahaha. =)

Day 4,

I didnt take any polaroid shots in day 4.

Day 5,
It was our last day there and some of us needed to leave early because of our flight details.
So all polaroid shots were taken at the airport.

Me and Kevin!

Daryl and Agnes

Agnes and Kevin

Daryl and Kevin

Me and Agnes drinking.

Agnes, who wanted the pooh frame.
The first shot with a change of frame.

And apparently more came. Daryl, Agnes and Kevin.

And the final piece for the day. Me , Agnes and Kevin.
(The frame nice huh?)

Yup that's all for the polaroid moments. More digital photos coming up to you soon..
maybe later today, for now i got really laaaaaaazy.
so patience!

merci beaucoup! =)

2009-06-24T03:43:00.002+08:00

mandy moore! her voice is sooo sweet. haven heard this song in such a long while, so beautifully sung.
heard this song playing on the radio with sk, vivian, valerie and judy in a car. I damn long never meet them already and all thanks to my buddy, we finally got this mini gathering done. we went to kovan's hk cafe to eat. i had some congee and they had buns, chee cheong fun etc. they looked pretty much the same and all of them were either busy with something. hear some updates from them and we pretty much still keep in touch. the one who never really changed much is valerie, forever cranky and weird and interesting. I wished i can get to know her better, i feel that she's somehow like me.. always smiling but.. yea.

my left hand's starting to feel numb open wounds are still showing.. so i'll stop here and update .. some time later.
much much later i guess ? haha.

i want to tell alot of things to many people here, but yeah .. im kinda tired. it's already 6am in the morning... take care.

2009-06-23T22:54:00.002+08:00

After the trip down to Orchard, i just realised some part of the hand started to swell and turned blue black.

this one is getting painful whenever it comes into contact with anything. haha
and i think i'd just broke a bone.

but who cares anyway..
=)

minor scars that heals over time..

2009-06-23T12:43:00.005+08:00

it's been such a long time since i saw such funny scars. brings back some of the bad memories though. these scars really reminds me of certain things..

mr sandbag gives me the drive to go a little bit more, and sometimes all you wish is just for a little bit more. so bit by bit, it accumulates.

until i see blood, i won't stop.
it keeps me going, wanting it more.

funny scars which i'll always get

another one.

stains on the sandbag. coffee perhaps? hahaha.

" i will find you, and i will kill you. "

the best love always comes from your own family.

2009-06-21T22:02:00.004+08:00

nothing beats the love from your very own family. it's such a rare gift nowadays to have a happy family. although i seldom see them except on weekends unless i have off/leave applied on weekdays, all of us will gather when there's a special occasion. i'm closest to my 2nd sister, she kinda takes good care of me. although big sis don really stay with us anymore (i donno where she's staying at..) she will come "home" occasionally. Perhaps she did it in the weekdays where i spent my time in camp, well i don't know.
I love having to eat steamboat with my family. brings us together like a gathering.

I saw the way 2nd sis trying to de-shell the prawns and it led me thinking, i wonder if any girls out there can actually cook. i seldom hear my friends being able to cook, unless it's maggi mee or rice. It's so rare to know girls that can even prepare simple dishes. haha, hopefully my future gf/wife will know how to cook something. I love to cook, but i just hate the washing up part. Zz..
And come to think of it, there's only one person whom i tried preparing food for, and that happened really long ago.

Recently I've found back one of my past hobbies, which I've neglected it for some time already. it's my little punching bag. i used to throw punches at it whenever i'm in a bad mood or feeling very down, thats why there's blood stains all over the punching bag. the only time i will stop punching the bag is when my knuckles bleed, and that left ugly scars on my hands. Of course, only a few people saw the scars that i had. it's been a long time since i hit the bag until recently, so all the scars have been covered up by the new layer of skin. Perhaps that is another reason why i always fracture my hands. And speaking of which, i think i fractured my wrist.

zzz!

been sleeping quite little lately because programs always end very late. i feel so lethargic everyday, i lost the drive to do anything. nothing seems to be able to motivate me, suddenly somehow, i feel that all is lost.
im just hanging by the edge and sometimes i can't wait to let it go.

aunty lene! please continue to stay strong and cheer up. hope i'll get to hear your good news soon!

ahboo! it's just a few more days only, please be fit okay!

? (if you see this) i havent been going to drink lately, the latest one was an army outing, so i was kinda forced to go.
but, knowing you somehow, you'll never listen. right? =)

oh well, back to punching ~

2009-06-20T21:41:00.002+08:00

im heading out again, im feeling so damn tired ..
i didnt want to go! i'm still feeling quite sick.. sigh

2009-06-20T18:57:00.001+08:00

i feel so wasted, with a heavy head.
alcohol is damn bad.. and it made me slept at the staircase this morning.
uh oh ,,

to club or not to club ... it's not even a question

2009-06-19T18:44:00.001+08:00

" let's hit the club now, shall we .. ? "

2009-06-14T21:07:00.003+08:00

sentosa is good, it keeps your body tanned and the environment seems to please the eyes.
del mar is not too bad either, except that i accidentally went into the female toilet. I saw this girl and she looked at me stunned, while i was stunned myself. i remember i stood there for awhile thinking if it's a unisex toilet until i saw another girl walk out, and i believe i should shut my thoughts and get out of there soon before anyone starts screaming.

i wanna go sentosa again on the coming saturday, probably around del mar area because there's music! haha. who's with me?!

" (identity kept private) says:
u just dont talk much about urself i guess, even when u do. u try to keep most of it unknown. but that aside... u listen well. "

it's known to some that im a man of less words. but it's amazing how someone can actually know what im thinking, well partially. thank you for being observant over the years =)

AH BOO! please please please take care of your health okay! be healthy! we still have to go overseas!! drink more water and have more rest alright!? NO MORE KOREAN DRAMA. GRRR..!! take care!

Signing out,
Pots.

back to camp and here we go again

2009-06-14T06:29:00.001+08:00

whoohoo, i've bought a new laptop for my studies.
and it's 6.30am now.

why can't I get to sleep?
insomniac.

2009-06-13T08:34:00.007+08:00

i'm going to sentosa today! it's gonna be a busy weekend!
got to really take a break and enjoy myself. recently times are bad, outfield sucks, spoilt phone etc..
seems like nothing good is coming my way, but the harder you try, the harder you'll fall, the harder you'll learn, a better person you'll become.
we all learn things through the hard way.

The booklet finally came. I can't wait to go to school again.

She who changed my life entirely

"Funny faces" w/ ahboo!

My favourite brand for cologne.

And the rose air freshener smells really good

Book of memories.

#1

Someone told me a something really funny this morning.
Perhaps she didn't have enough sleep..

"Love is stupid, love is blind. Love is just, a waste of time"

Well said.

It will be a wonderful saturday..
well, i hope! =)

2009-06-07T20:14:00.007+08:00

first let's start off with, "he must be kidding, wanting me to bring army stuff home to read"

my officer wanted me to bring home test paper answers to study for tomorrow's theory test, but knowing me, i will not do what i dont like to do, the more your force me, the more stubborn i get.
which part of "i hate the armhy" do you not understand..?!
young officers... idiot.

gonna ord in a few months time, but somehow time seems to pass by so slowly. watching them going off one by one, receiving their pink I/Cs, the feeling isn't really good. now i haven't been doing anything productive in camp either, it's just a "why should i" thingy.
oh well, i'm gonna get mine soon, like during school break next year? zz.

outfield on tuesday till thursday. sigh!

sundays are always very unproductive for me, i had better make good use of my time! i've started to pick up playing sports again, eating fruits and vegetables more often (i love grapes and pineapples..) and also going to town! but on the downside, i've started drinking again. haven't been drinking alot since those days at the pub with my ex-collegues, and thats like a year back? oh well, i've forgotten. im bad with dates and names.

now to upload a few photo's which i took clarke quay the other day.
i just love taking photographs of people and the environment.
it's not really wonderful, but i just like doing it..

Clarke Quay at the bay.

Weird looking junkboats, my current wallpaper.

A splendid show of colours and reflections

And lited buildings with the two weird looking junkboats.

The riverside bridge. I used to sit up there before hitting the clubs.

And the little things in life..

someone once said,

"The angry can be made happy again,
but the dead cannot be brought back to life"

live your life properly, don't waste it.
i believe life's never easy, but we still have to work hard for a better tomorrow.
afterall, the only easy day, was yesterday.

thanks for reading =)
and im again alone in the house. somehow home don't feel like how it used to be since 2/3 years ago.

P.S : to my best boo! please let me know asap if you want to play badminton on the 14th asap alright?!

2009-06-01T16:33:00.005+08:00

went all over the place yest. to town then home then to the pier. shall not blog much, so i'll post some photos up. damn tired, need to get some sleep..

photographs are not arranged in chronological order, from the last to the first.

Acting like a kid

Emoistic photo 1

Emoistic photo 2

Posing at the pier

My priceless expression says it all.

I'm shocked!

"Say cheese.." Preparing to go to the pier in the 715.

Traveling in the Circle line

Some lazy bum kitty below my block.

Yuhong with his seasame street friends.

Amber posing with the spawn of the devil, gayshit barney!

Wanted to get my god daughter some toys, so I drop by town to see see.

Message for my god daughter,

Dear god daughter, I know you can't read this but you better get well soon.
Be a good girl, if not no toys! =)
Hahahaha.

P.S : Convey the message!

Although I said it's up to you, I really wanted you to reply.. someday, somehow.
I have no control over your thoughts and actions.
It would be nice to know if you'd still come here to visit,
but I don't know if you still do, nobody does.

2009-05-31T10:08:00.002+08:00

went to PS last night to meet jiunn and lauren for dinner. damn long queue at the nippon village located at the basement of The Cathay, but i played on lauren's iPod touch so time passes very quickly.

after awhile later, there was seating available so lauren and me went to pick out sushi for dinner while jiunn stayed back to look after her bag. it was 99c per plate =D sushi were meant to be like that, so people can have a variety of choices to pick and dont have to worry for their wallets later on.

moving on to SMU after dinner and jiunn brought us to settlers cafe. his friend, sam, is the one of the bosses there. so young yet started to do business, life of someone rich really differs from the average. but what to do, this is life and we should be happy with what we have - if not, improve it.

played some of the lame games they have there and spent quite awhile in that cafe, and finally it was time to leave. had to send the 3 of them back from yew tee to potong pasir, then to my place eventually. damn shag after I got home, must be the toll im getting from those insomniac nights. feeling old, getting old..

dear doggy, someone asked if im still feeling sad over you, and without hesitating i said yes. you left me too early, but i wouldn't say you abandoned me - you're already very old and sick.
life with you around is good, at least i felt warmth.
you have passed on and moved on, but why havent i?

Although the situation has changed somehow, it seems like you have become distant suddenly.
i didn't know what you are thinking of anymore.
i can't read your mind but i will still want to hear from you.
are you the one going to forget it eventually? the one who said not to forget..

the feeling still lingers.. somehow

sleepless nights

2009-05-28T07:40:00.002+08:00

i'm having insomnia lately. i can't sleep well..
feeling so tired ..

to you: BETTER TAKE CARE. don feel so sad, i can only know partially how you feel because everyone react to things differently. but i can understand that feeling but you got to pick yourself up soon! no bouquet of flowers or fruit basket though =)

2009-05-27T06:10:00.003+08:00

FATTYBOO! finally get to see you yday and passed you your things. sorry it's abit late though, but at least it finally landed in your hands! hahaha. hope you'll like it..

best buddy always! =)

2009-05-26T19:12:00.006+08:00

I went NTU for my medical checkup today, didn't know what was it for but it's like another NS checkup before i got enlisted only it was rather simplified. NTU is very far away, the traveling time there is horrible. perhaps I'll stay in a hostel to save on my traveling time. moreover, i can make more friends there, i hope!

Have been mentally stressed lately, facing lots of problems. It just never end..
Tell me where can I find money.. why wouldn't pay day come earlier? sigh..
im so tired.

aunty lene : " love makes people stupid.." i totally agree with what you've said! thanks for listening to me too. let's meet up soon okay.. and you're getting old already! haha..

boo : GET WELL SOON! ask your flu bug to leave you and come to me! then i can get quarrantined..!

somebody once told me that, in life failures after failures, you still got to pick yourself up after a fall..
i'll start flapping my wings, and i'll start taking flight soon..
and now, i promise you..
that you'll will never catch me again..
things will definately not be the same anymore..

spread your wings and soar above the sky..

im grateful for the times spent together,
i was really happy then..
and now i want to say thank you..
don't forget..
goodbye =)

2009-05-26T05:18:00.003+08:00

there are 3 people i want to thank

old prat: thanks for yesterday, you have a very matured mindset but certain things you know that have to be done, can't be done. however i get the point that you were trying to get at, and right now i'm working towards it. once i spread my wings, i will definately fly higher than before.

boo: although you left halfway without TELLING ME SO, you are forgiven! you stayed on long enough to listen to my crap last night. i want to meet you soon, i have a suprise for you. BIG ONE! thanks!

cdo : we'll get on our two feet and start moving off again. it feels good that you're able to let loose everything. and yes, be careful of who you speak to, not everyone can be trusted. let's go out for a drink someday. thanks!

you are like a double headed snake..
i do not know if i should believe in you..

the joker and his jokerette,
still in search for his blue and blurry..

2009-05-24T08:54:00.006+08:00

ugh, i hate the feeling of having hangovers. it makes my mind upside down and my stomach churning around. didn't want to stay at home so i went out to drink abit last night and spent some time to chit chat. haven't saw grace in such a long while, it's good to see her again. how about more drinking sessions in future, i haven't seen people get wasted lately.

it's so tired to put on a face mask and keep smiling to everyone. i'm so mentally strained. i wanted to take it down for a long time, but somewhere somehow, circumstances made me do it over again and again. i know people are sick of me being like that, i can see that everyone's starting to give up on me, for sure some already gave up.

sometimes, i just need someone to talk to..
i really need that company..
i hope people will understand that..
i'm only human, i have emotions too..
maybe i gave too much..

to be honest, i can't do it alone. all along i've been deceiving myself that i can do it. i put up a brave front in front of others, but ultimately i know i'm just an empty shell.
why is life so cruel? why did you take my only companion away.. why didn't you take me along too?

somehow,
i gave up on everyone,
i gave up on myself.

i tell myself that i will not shed a fucking tear for anyone, but that doesn't mean i can stop my heart from bleeding inside out.
im seriously not okay...!

2009-05-23T21:38:00.007+08:00

i went blading at the park in the evening, and unfortunately i twisted my left wrist. im still quite bad at it for my braking is really terrible, think i'll just have to try for a few time before i can get it right. tomorrow i'll be heading to ecp in the morning to learn blading again.

perhaps i should go back to living life in the fast lane, but somehow my heart is unable to catch up.
we started to paint some colours into life, but somehow the paintbrush was abandoned and what seemed to be colours, are now nothing more than just black and white paint.

i just find it so hard to express myself ...
would you take my hand and lead me out,
out of this dark tunnel im going through ..?

now i feel like a bird with an injured wing, unable to take flight.
and once i do, nobody will be able to catch me again ..
afterall, i insist in choosing to walk this path alone..

2009-05-22T21:20:00.002+08:00

Days have been bad, i tried to pull myself through everything that has occurred. Had 2 days outfield which will end today, but I vomited straight after consuming lunch and was forced to return to camp. I feel bad for leaving my section behind.. but I shouldn't be feeling this, for its good to show no emotions.

I'm still in camp having my rest. however i came down to the annex room to use the computer. i simply cant sleep. i have been tossing around for hours, its bad to leave me alone in my bunk. who knows i might just jump out the window without anybody realizing only after my body has been filled with maggots. perhaps everyone will cheer, for the death of a parasite.

everywhere i go, i only see myself in the room. i'm going blind, my eyes are starting to itch.

for
boo: hope your fever subside.. get well soon!
you: rest well and recuperate soon, its a difficult time but you'll get through it! =)
the rest: thanks for reading about my sorry life.

who doesn't long for someone to hold, who knows how to love you without being told..

2009-05-19T22:42:00.003+08:00

why wouldn't anybody take me seriously?

i've really been trying my best to provide whatever i can give..
i've been staring at the night sky, staring at the exposed star...

just what do i want?

can you go on? can you stay strong?
maybe im a rose that won't bloom

2009-05-19T15:34:00.002+08:00

trust is fragile.

nobody trusts me, nobody believes in me.
please.. allow me to turn to somebody.

i'm very tired..
i need eternal rest.

2009-05-18T17:14:00.003+08:00

every new day, my life is filled with uncertainties, be it good or bad. nothing to be looking forward to, except for the day where humans start to kill one another. now tell me, what have i become of.. ?

i see no colours in my world, it's gone.. long gone. i used to be a cheerful person but now all i do is to act on my stage, to perform for the world, for is my playground. why is it so hard to open up once again? perhaps im scarred, and probably didnt want to go through it anymore. sometimes i feel rather lonely by myself, like someone said, perhaps i chose to wear shades, that's why my world has no colours..
It takes a long time to recover, but it just need a moment to fuck it up again.

treat people patiently and with respect, and i supposed people will do the same to me too..
hopefully ...

i lend a helping hand to others, but who would lend theirs to me?

2009-05-17T01:22:00.003+08:00

just came back from outfield on saturday morning, damn waste of time. I seriously hate NS. although I've said this plenty of times, but it just felt like it isn't enough.
life has been pretty taxing on me mentally.. things just won't stop coming. I've been sleeping lesser each day, and when I saw the mirror, I finally saw dark rings around my eyes.
I feel damn cool now .. but ultimately it is still mentally taxing.

please be very patient with me..

I lost the will to carry on.. I feel like a walking zombie

please come back soon ..

fear

2009-05-10T19:22:00.002+08:00

what do i fear most?

someone wished for me that i have another dog after NS because i'll be much happier with one around.
i supposed that is true, but too bad HDB apartment cannot rear big dogs. I wanted to keep really fierce dogs like a shepard or show dogs like a chowchow. Chowchows are so cute with their black tongues. Mesmerizing!
But when i bring the chow chow to ecp, i cannot hold it because ... i know the reason and i aint telling it out =)

Booking in really soon, damn i hate this period of time and i don get to book out on friday next week due to outfield training. i hope i get swine flu or some weird influenza illness so that i can get hospitalised and rest there for weeks.

anyway i got myself a camera bag, im so glad.

get well soon!
your smile brightens my day.

2009-05-03T20:15:00.001+08:00

Will I ever get to hold your hands again.. ?
Will I ever feel you again.. ?

2009-05-03T19:13:00.004+08:00

A weird story.

It's about two weird person, a mother and a father. Let me recall and share abit,

They owned a very big plot of land which consists of a grapefruit farm for the father enjoyed the smell of grapefruit. He said "Although they smell weird, but they smell good". Everyday he'll wait for the wind to blow against his direction so that the smell will go to him. Closing his eyes to feel the wind blowing against his face, he then looked upwards and noticed beautiful the blue skies are. So he called upon his wife and both of them just lay on an empty patch of grass and enjoyed the night sky filled with endless stars.

The night grew colder as the winds got stronger. Then he noticed, one star is brighter then the other so he asked " Have you ever noticed that one star looked really bright and one of them looked really dim ?" So the silly wife answered "Because one of them wore shiny clothing, while the other one is naked, that's why it doesn't have the self confidence to shine as bright.."
The husband laughs and turned to smile at her. Soon the sky turned red, and it rained very heavily. (And red sky depicts heavy rain!) So they went back inside to seek shelter.

The next day, an unfortunate news came and the husband had to leave her to fight the war. He said her "Don't be sad, be strong! It's just a temporary separation." Without waiting for her to even speak, he picked up his bag and he left.

The end.

meow~

bottoms up.

2009-05-02T22:24:00.001+08:00

bottoms up!
let the alcohol take the lead.

i'll drink, and drink
and i'll still continue to drink..
till the last drop.

empty stomach.

a bigger shell..

2009-05-02T05:46:00.004+08:00

Each new night, I prep myself for a bigger and much studier shell. then one fine day it'll get so thick that nobody can have access to it.

I have a pair of dry and rough hands, obviously meant for building the shell with them. The skin is peeling, the blood is dried but the shell-construction work still carries on, for it'll never stop building.

I'll never show a sad face, I'll never show that i'm crying because it's not meant for anyone to see. Everyone wants to see a smiling face. The mask that I have been consistently wearing, will provide the smile for them to see.

I tried to be strong, but apparently I've failed.

Each new day, my health deteriorates.
The coughing will never ends.

Everything turns silent..
including myself..

back into the shell.

2009-04-30T23:30:00.002+08:00

I feel like a zombie.
It feels like I'm going back to my shell again.

I'm shutting myself..
and it's difficult for me to come out again.

I'm so tired.
I feel sick..

I'm crying inside, and yes it feels terrible.
this is the worst form of crying.

2009-04-30T03:31:00.002+08:00

it's always good to see you again ...
even for a short while.

i never regretted in walking this path.
i lay my own tracks, and I walk my own path by myself, without regrets =)

2009-04-29T19:35:00.003+08:00

i always tell myself, it's okay. It's okay, it's okay. But i know it myself, it's not okay. not at all .. !

but life itself is a losing a battle..

i'm lost ...

terrible.. life is a chore.
Les Miserable - I dreamed a dream

2009-04-25T16:40:00.001+08:00

we were all crazy..
without control ..

2009-04-22T05:03:00.002+08:00

4 years ago .. where am I ?
I'm so sorry I couldn't give you an answer.
and sorry doesn't actually help much ..

squishy paws~

2009-04-21T17:19:00.002+08:00

squish squish squish..

squishy squishy squishy..

2009-04-21T01:19:00.003+08:00

Every day, I longed to see you whenever possible. Knowing what the consequences are, I still longed for your presence. I'm challenging fate itself, I believed in myself but somehow, I got tired. However I'm still not done yet, because I'm crazy. I've never been so crazy before..

I didn't want to leave, neither am I leaving just yet..
You're not just another passer by..
Recently I fell sick but I kept quiet, and I can't really bring out the best in me ..
I'm sorry.

Am I to surrender to my fate?
Who can I turn to? Who can I speak to?
I feel terrible .

我不要你走。。
我不想。。

2009-04-20T17:32:00.001+08:00

笑過就能把傷給帶走嗎?
傷得越深﹐車架得越快﹐值得嗎?

。。。
。。。
。。。

2009-04-18T12:48:00.003+08:00

The days grew closer everytime I close my eyes. Sleeping is bad, really bad ..
It's not that when I fall asleep you'll appear in my dreams.
Dear tracy, when will you reply to my message? People asked me to get moving already, perhaps they are disgusted at how pathetic my life is when I talk about you. They just don't understand, and I don't think they will..
Please, at least appear in my dreams once in every six months?!

It seems like every weekends get shorter than the previous', time seems to accelerate as the day is approaching. I hope time will slow down at this instance, it's better if time will stop. I don't want to leave.. I wanted to tell you something, but I don't think I will.

I'm not too good with words..
or maybe..
I'm just too scared ..

hate

2009-04-12T12:25:00.003+08:00

i hate this weird feeling inside my chest, its hard to get it out.
i'm losing sleep
i'm losing appetite.

can you hear me from above?

2009-04-12T08:51:00.004+08:00

tell me, what's it like to be staying up above? is it all white and pure or is it just blind assumption that it's really a wonderful place.

you haven't been replying to me since the day that year's good friday.
let me see how are you doing before everything starts to crumble again.
i want to talk to you, i want somebody to hear me out. someone to accompany through the night..
those 12 years were precious moments for me. these 12 years basically etched an image of you into me. 12 years ain't very short.

I want to express myself loudly, so i can be myself once again. at least i can be truthful to you.

..
..
..