up till now im still missing you every now and then. i felt really sad for my friend, whose dog passed away recently. i can understand how she felt. this also affected me, and i think this note here, will go to you. hopefully you can see this from above!
those were the days when you used to leap onto my bed to sleep. those were the days whenever im sad, there's you. you're always there walking about in the house, barking at whoever's at the door except for our own family members, waggling your short little tail.
i still remember that day when dad recalled us back to home, knowing that you may go anytime soon, i was afffected damn badly. i've cancelled all my plans and rushed home immediately. im glad that you're still breathing then. mom sat there to recite some funny stuff while sis will attend to you and i would sit there watching.
In the wee hours of the morning, big sis broke the news to me " tracy has passed away .. " I was damn sad and I didnt say anything much. I've tried not to show any emotions, and just to return to my room, finding myself staring into blank space. It's hard to bottle up my feelings, i've felt very bad then. then as the day got brighter dad and sister went to the wet market to look for styrofoam box. It's a makeshift coffin for you, so hope you dont mind. we did some of the preparations like how we do it to our human counterpart, or so i thought. i helped out abit, while i keep myself distracted by doing the preparations. I know it was contridicting, but it at least I could hold back my tears then.
And so, we've transported you to the crematorium. this is the part where i hated for every funeral. i hate coming to the crematorium, this is the place where all emotions go crazy. its mentally taxing! the staff prepared the furnance etc, while we just stood there waiting, waiting for something to happen. then they placed your body inside the furnance, and instructed us to take a final look at you. it was then, i couldn't hold my tears back anymore. i couldn't turn to face the furnance as the door shut slowly. i hate to cry, because when i do it'll take quite awhile - which it did. Even on my way home, my tears couldnt stop flowing.
all of these were 4 years ago then.
im sorry if i did not treat you well enough, but you're still being missed and remembered by me. if you can hear me, please appear in my dreams. let me see you again, let me feel you again.
you know dear im bad with dates, i cannot remember the exact date you passed away. but all i know it was a good friday then. so i shall treat it that for every good friday, it is your death anniversary okay?! (you better agree! cos if you don't i can't do anything to it)
since the day you're gone, my life consists of a void. im not able to express myself, no one is there when im sad. no one to talk to me when i wanted to talk to somebody. no one to understand me. i've kept all my problems to myself, i cant show my real self to people because, of the feeling they've given me. no one, really cared. no one really gave a damn.
It's 4 years since you passed away and yday was your 4th death anniversary. im sorry that im late.
my dear beloved dog.
with lots of love and memories,
...
..
..
P.S: I loved you more than i love anything else.. After your departure, I've turn really silent..
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