went to PS last night to meet jiunn and lauren for dinner. damn long queue at the nippon village located at the basement of The Cathay, but i played on lauren's iPod touch so time passes very quickly.

after awhile later, there was seating available so lauren and me went to pick out sushi for dinner while jiunn stayed back to look after her bag. it was 99c per plate =D sushi were meant to be like that, so people can have a variety of choices to pick and dont have to worry for their wallets later on.

moving on to SMU after dinner and jiunn brought us to settlers cafe. his friend, sam, is the one of the bosses there. so young yet started to do business, life of someone rich really differs from the average. but what to do, this is life and we should be happy with what we have - if not, improve it.

played some of the lame games they have there and spent quite awhile in that cafe, and finally it was time to leave. had to send the 3 of them back from yew tee to potong pasir, then to my place eventually. damn shag after I got home, must be the toll im getting from those insomniac nights. feeling old, getting old..





dear doggy, someone asked if im still feeling sad over you, and without hesitating i said yes. you left me too early, but i wouldn't say you abandoned me - you're already very old and sick.
life with you around is good, at least i felt warmth.
you have passed on and moved on, but why havent i?







Although the situation has changed somehow, it seems like you have become distant suddenly.
i didn't know what you are thinking of anymore.
i can't read your mind but i will still want to hear from you.
are you the one going to forget it eventually? the one who said not to forget..


the feeling still lingers.. somehow

sleepless nights

i'm having insomnia lately. i can't sleep well..
feeling so tired ..



to you: BETTER TAKE CARE. don feel so sad, i can only know partially how you feel because everyone react to things differently. but i can understand that feeling but you got to pick yourself up soon! no bouquet of flowers or fruit basket though =)

FATTYBOO! finally get to see you yday and passed you your things. sorry it's abit late though, but at least it finally landed in your hands! hahaha. hope you'll like it..

best buddy always! =)

I went NTU for my medical checkup today, didn't know what was it for but it's like another NS checkup before i got enlisted only it was rather simplified. NTU is very far away, the traveling time there is horrible. perhaps I'll stay in a hostel to save on my traveling time. moreover, i can make more friends there, i hope!

Have been mentally stressed lately, facing lots of problems. It just never end..
Tell me where can I find money.. why wouldn't pay day come earlier? sigh..
im so tired.










aunty lene : " love makes people stupid.." i totally agree with what you've said! thanks for listening to me too. let's meet up soon okay.. and you're getting old already! haha..

boo : GET WELL SOON! ask your flu bug to leave you and come to me! then i can get quarrantined..!


somebody once told me that, in life failures after failures, you still got to pick yourself up after a fall..
i'll start flapping my wings, and i'll start taking flight soon..
and now, i promise you..
that you'll will never catch me again..
things will definately not be the same anymore..

spread your wings and soar above the sky..

im grateful for the times spent together,
i was really happy then..
and now i want to say thank you..
don't forget..
goodbye =)

there are 3 people i want to thank

old prat: thanks for yesterday, you have a very matured mindset but certain things you know that have to be done, can't be done. however i get the point that you were trying to get at, and right now i'm working towards it. once i spread my wings, i will definately fly higher than before.

boo: although you left halfway without TELLING ME SO, you are forgiven! you stayed on long enough to listen to my crap last night. i want to meet you soon, i have a suprise for you. BIG ONE! thanks!

cdo : we'll get on our two feet and start moving off again. it feels good that you're able to let loose everything. and yes, be careful of who you speak to, not everyone can be trusted. let's go out for a drink someday. thanks!














you are like a double headed snake..
i do not know if i should believe in you..






the joker and his jokerette,
still in search for his blue and blurry..

ugh, i hate the feeling of having hangovers. it makes my mind upside down and my stomach churning around. didn't want to stay at home so i went out to drink abit last night and spent some time to chit chat. haven't saw grace in such a long while, it's good to see her again. how about more drinking sessions in future, i haven't seen people get wasted lately.

it's so tired to put on a face mask and keep smiling to everyone. i'm so mentally strained. i wanted to take it down for a long time, but somewhere somehow, circumstances made me do it over again and again. i know people are sick of me being like that, i can see that everyone's starting to give up on me, for sure some already gave up.

sometimes, i just need someone to talk to..
i really need that company..
i hope people will understand that..
i'm only human, i have emotions too..
maybe i gave too much..



to be honest, i can't do it alone. all along i've been deceiving myself that i can do it. i put up a brave front in front of others, but ultimately i know i'm just an empty shell.
why is life so cruel? why did you take my only companion away.. why didn't you take me along too?

somehow,
i gave up on everyone,
i gave up on myself.


i tell myself that i will not shed a fucking tear for anyone, but that doesn't mean i can stop my heart from bleeding inside out.
im seriously not okay...!

i went blading at the park in the evening, and unfortunately i twisted my left wrist. im still quite bad at it for my braking is really terrible, think i'll just have to try for a few time before i can get it right. tomorrow i'll be heading to ecp in the morning to learn blading again.

perhaps i should go back to living life in the fast lane, but somehow my heart is unable to catch up.
we started to paint some colours into life, but somehow the paintbrush was abandoned and what seemed to be colours, are now nothing more than just black and white paint.





i just find it so hard to express myself ...
would you take my hand and lead me out,
out of this dark tunnel im going through ..?


now i feel like a bird with an injured wing, unable to take flight.
and once i do, nobody will be able to catch me again ..
afterall, i insist in choosing to walk this path alone..

Days have been bad, i tried to pull myself through everything that has occurred. Had 2 days outfield which will end today, but I vomited straight after consuming lunch and was forced to return to camp. I feel bad for leaving my section behind.. but I shouldn't be feeling this, for its good to show no emotions.

I'm still in camp having my rest. however i came down to the annex room to use the computer. i simply cant sleep. i have been tossing around for hours, its bad to leave me alone in my bunk. who knows i might just jump out the window without anybody realizing only after my body has been filled with maggots. perhaps everyone will cheer, for the death of a parasite.

everywhere i go, i only see myself in the room. i'm going blind, my eyes are starting to itch.





for
boo: hope your fever subside.. get well soon!
you: rest well and recuperate soon, its a difficult time but you'll get through it! =)
the rest: thanks for reading about my sorry life.



who doesn't long for someone to hold, who knows how to love you without being told..

why wouldn't anybody take me seriously?

i've really been trying my best to provide whatever i can give..
i've been staring at the night sky, staring at the exposed star...

just what do i want?





can you go on? can you stay strong?
maybe im a rose that won't bloom

trust is fragile.

nobody trusts me, nobody believes in me.
please.. allow me to turn to somebody.

i'm very tired..
i need eternal rest.

every new day, my life is filled with uncertainties, be it good or bad. nothing to be looking forward to, except for the day where humans start to kill one another. now tell me, what have i become of.. ?

i see no colours in my world, it's gone.. long gone. i used to be a cheerful person but now all i do is to act on my stage, to perform for the world, for is my playground. why is it so hard to open up once again? perhaps im scarred, and probably didnt want to go through it anymore. sometimes i feel rather lonely by myself, like someone said, perhaps i chose to wear shades, that's why my world has no colours..
It takes a long time to recover, but it just need a moment to fuck it up again.




treat people patiently and with respect, and i supposed people will do the same to me too..
hopefully ...

i lend a helping hand to others, but who would lend theirs to me?

just came back from outfield on saturday morning, damn waste of time. I seriously hate NS. although I've said this plenty of times, but it just felt like it isn't enough.
life has been pretty taxing on me mentally.. things just won't stop coming. I've been sleeping lesser each day, and when I saw the mirror, I finally saw dark rings around my eyes.
I feel damn cool now .. but ultimately it is still mentally taxing.

please be very patient with me..

I lost the will to carry on.. I feel like a walking zombie







please come back soon ..

fear

what do i fear most?

someone wished for me that i have another dog after NS because i'll be much happier with one around.
i supposed that is true, but too bad HDB apartment cannot rear big dogs. I wanted to keep really fierce dogs like a shepard or show dogs like a chowchow. Chowchows are so cute with their black tongues. Mesmerizing!
But when i bring the chow chow to ecp, i cannot hold it because ... i know the reason and i aint telling it out =)

Booking in really soon, damn i hate this period of time and i don get to book out on friday next week due to outfield training. i hope i get swine flu or some weird influenza illness so that i can get hospitalised and rest there for weeks.

anyway i got myself a camera bag, im so glad.










get well soon!
your smile brightens my day.

Will I ever get to hold your hands again.. ?
Will I ever feel you again.. ?

A weird story.

It's about two weird person, a mother and a father. Let me recall and share abit,

They owned a very big plot of land which consists of a grapefruit farm for the father enjoyed the smell of grapefruit. He said "Although they smell weird, but they smell good". Everyday he'll wait for the wind to blow against his direction so that the smell will go to him. Closing his eyes to feel the wind blowing against his face, he then looked upwards and noticed beautiful the blue skies are. So he called upon his wife and both of them just lay on an empty patch of grass and enjoyed the night sky filled with endless stars.

The night grew colder as the winds got stronger. Then he noticed, one star is brighter then the other so he asked " Have you ever noticed that one star looked really bright and one of them looked really dim ?" So the silly wife answered "Because one of them wore shiny clothing, while the other one is naked, that's why it doesn't have the self confidence to shine as bright.."
The husband laughs and turned to smile at her. Soon the sky turned red, and it rained very heavily. (And red sky depicts heavy rain!) So they went back inside to seek shelter.

The next day, an unfortunate news came and the husband had to leave her to fight the war. He said her "Don't be sad, be strong! It's just a temporary separation." Without waiting for her to even speak, he picked up his bag and he left.


The end.




meow~

bottoms up.

bottoms up!
let the alcohol take the lead.

i'll drink, and drink
and i'll still continue to drink..
till the last drop.




empty stomach.

a bigger shell..

Each new night, I prep myself for a bigger and much studier shell. then one fine day it'll get so thick that nobody can have access to it.

I have a pair of dry and rough hands, obviously meant for building the shell with them. The skin is peeling, the blood is dried but the shell-construction work still carries on, for it'll never stop building.

I'll never show a sad face, I'll never show that i'm crying because it's not meant for anyone to see. Everyone wants to see a smiling face. The mask that I have been consistently wearing, will provide the smile for them to see.

I tried to be strong, but apparently I've failed.



Each new day, my health deteriorates.
The coughing will never ends.


Everything turns silent..
including myself..