ugh, i hate the feeling of having hangovers. it makes my mind upside down and my stomach churning around. didn't want to stay at home so i went out to drink abit last night and spent some time to chit chat. haven't saw grace in such a long while, it's good to see her again. how about more drinking sessions in future, i haven't seen people get wasted lately.

it's so tired to put on a face mask and keep smiling to everyone. i'm so mentally strained. i wanted to take it down for a long time, but somewhere somehow, circumstances made me do it over again and again. i know people are sick of me being like that, i can see that everyone's starting to give up on me, for sure some already gave up.

sometimes, i just need someone to talk to..
i really need that company..
i hope people will understand that..
i'm only human, i have emotions too..
maybe i gave too much..



to be honest, i can't do it alone. all along i've been deceiving myself that i can do it. i put up a brave front in front of others, but ultimately i know i'm just an empty shell.
why is life so cruel? why did you take my only companion away.. why didn't you take me along too?

somehow,
i gave up on everyone,
i gave up on myself.


i tell myself that i will not shed a fucking tear for anyone, but that doesn't mean i can stop my heart from bleeding inside out.
im seriously not okay...!